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Forgiving Others

This message on forgiving others was preached by Dr. Greg Johnston at The Grove Church as part of the “Living in Community with Others” series.  

Dale Carnegie once visited Yellowstone Park and went to a place where the grizzly bears were fed.  He didn’t have to wait long before a grizzly came into the clearing where garbage had been dumped to entice the bears to come.

The guide told the group that the grizzly could whip any animal in the west with the possible exception of the buffalo and the Kodiak bear.

Carnegie noticed that there was one animal that the grizzly would allow to eat with him – a skunk!  Of course the ole grizzly would have easily won any fight with the skunk, and even though he probably resented the skunk and wanted to get rid of him because of his impudence, he didn’t.

Why?  Because he knew there would be a high cost for getting even.

When we harbor an unforgiving attitude toward other people or even toward God, we are unconsciously nurturing the seed of bitterness.

Bitterness is an emotion that is characterized by an intense animosity.  It is an emotional cancer that consumes the person who harbors and nurtures such feelings in their heart.

Even that ole grizzly bear was smart enough to leave that skunk alone, much smarter than many humans who spend weary days and restless nights brooding over hurts and resentments, and trying to hatch ways to squelch the person who hurt them.

Unfortunately, they fail to realize that the one they are actually destroying is their own self.

The Word of God cautions us against harboring an attitude of unforgiveness and its self-destructive produce of bitterness.

Hebrews 12:14-15

14 Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;

 

T/S: Today I want to discuss three aspects of bitterness that results from unforgiveness.

The Root of Bitterness

In v. 15 we see bitterness described as the, “…root of bitterness springing up.”  Springing up – literally means “to sprout.”

Bitterness is the result of our carnal, fleshly nature sprouting and putting down roots into our lives.

The seed of bitterness could be any one of the deeds of the flesh – jealousy, envy, self-centeredness, ambition, frustration, rage, resentment, hatred, and most of all, unforgiveness.

Every one of these attitudes are concerned with protecting and coddling our self, and could be summarized under one heading – self-centeredness.

The root of bitterness occurs when some real or perceived hurt happens in a person’s life.  Then instead of forgiving, they allow this resentment to ferment in their life until the tentacles and roots have deeply imbedded themselves and wrapped themselves around the depth of our soul.

But this need not happen.  The Apostle Paul said:

Ephesians 4:26-27

26 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not give the devil an opportunity.

Jesus is a prime example of being angry, but not committing sin when He drove the buyers and sellers out of the temple. Explain

Why are we told not to let the sun go down on our anger?  It is because nurtured anger can become hatred which can sprout up in bitterness.

A bitter person is one who has allowed his hurt to fester and at the same time looking for faults in the one who has knowingly or unknowingly hurt them, in order to justify their bitterness.

The Fruit of Bitterness

The venom and poison of the bitter person hurts others, but guess who it hurts the most?

Bitterness is like cutting your nose off to spite your face.  It always has a boomerang effect.

Dr. S.I. McMillen wrote a book a number of years ago, entitled, None of These Diseases.  In the book, he listed over fifty diseases that may be caused by destructive, sinful emotions like – anger, anxiety, stress, bitterness, hate, unforgiveness, etc.

These destructive emotions cause psychosomatic disorders in our physical health.  Psych = mind, and soma = body.

He said, “The emotional center produces widespread changes by means of three principle mechanisms:  1) By changing the amount of blood flowing to an organ, 2) By affecting the secretions of certain glands, and 3) By changing the tension of the muscles.”

Example:  When someone is frightened their heart beats faster, adrenalin is produced, and their muscles are tensed.

Bitterness can kill you by degrees.

Dr. McMillen wrote:  “The man I hate may be many miles from my bedroom, but more cruel than any slave-driver, he whips my thoughts into such a frenzy that my innerspring mattress becomes a torture rack.  The lowliest serf can sleep, but not I.  I really must acknowledge that I am a slave to every man upon who I pour the vial of my wrath.”

Illustration:  There is an ancient story about Roman soldiers who became dissatisfied over their regimen and rations.  They became so angry at the gods that they shot arrows straight into the sky at the gods and were killed by the descending arrows.

When we allow unforgiveness and bitterness in our life, there will be physical trouble, emotional unrest, and spiritual trouble in our life, because of our ruptured fellowship with God and man.

The Pursuit of Bitterness

A root is under ground, you have to go after it, find it, and dig it up if it is undesirable.  Example: Dock weed

Three reasons we need to pursue bitterness

1) In order to recognize it. Most people will not recognize their bitterness.  They become adept at looking at the faults of others.

2) In order to remove it.

Ephesians 4:29-32

29Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 30Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

We must learn to forgive.

v. 15 – . . . See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God;

That means, lest we fail to give to others what God gave freely to us – grace and forgiveness.

When we have been hurt, we need to put that hurt under Calvary’s blood.

You may ask – When I forgive a person is that going to deal with those memories?  Well, not unless you have amnesia.

An unknown sage once said, “The hornet of remembering may fly again, but the sting of bitterness has been removed.”

3)  In order to replace it.

14 Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord.

  • Replace hatred with harmony. (peace)
  • Replace bitterness with betterness. (holiness and sanctification)

In order to accomplish such an awesome task, we must exchange our nature for Christ’s nature.

Colossians 3:5-17

5 Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry. 6 For it is because of these things that the wrath of God will come upon the sons of disobedience, 7 and in them you also once walked, when you were living in them. 8 But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, 1 0 and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him- 11 a renewal in which there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman, but Christ is all, and in all. 

12 So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. 14 Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.17 Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

The poet Edwin Markham reached the age of retirement and discovered that his banker had defrauded him.  He was ready to retire, but penniless.

He came to the place where he could no longer write poetry because bitterness had blown the candle of joy out in his heart.

He was obsessed with the evil that had been perpetrated against him by a man he thought was a friend.

One day the Holy Spirit convicted him with this thought, “Markham, if you do not deal with this thing, it is going to ruin you.  You cannot afford the price you are paying.  You must forgive that man.”

The poet prayed, Lord, I will, and I do freely forgive.”

Once the root of bitterness was gone, the joy began to flow, and he wrote his most famous poem, “Outwitted.”

He drew a circle that shut me out –

Hectic rebel, a thing to flout,

But Love and I had the wit to win:

We drew a circle that took him in!

If someone has wronged you or harmed you and bitterness has been you daily guide, pursue that bitterness, and with the Spirit’s help, root it out.

Draw a circle that takes in those who have wronged you.  Forgive them for your sake and for Christ’s sake!

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Judging Others – Sermon Notes

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This post includes sermon notes from Dr. Greg Johnston on Judging Others, which was preached at The Grove Church as part of the “Living in Community with Others” series.

Video:  Susan Boyle on Britain Has Talent.

Last week I caught an episode of Extreme Log Homes on the TV.  They featured three massive and unique log homes that had price tags of 3.5 – 7 million dollars.  The owners of these homes had each gone to great lengths to design and build log homes that, at least in their minds, were priceless.

Something is usually considered priceless when it is special, unique, and rare, and because price is of no consideration to those who seek to obtain it.

Therefore, real Christian love is a priceless commodity.  It is priceless because it is special, unique (to Christians), and extremely rare.  And the truth is that there are few people who are willing to pay the price to obtain it.

One of the easiest areas of failure that a Christian can fall prey to is to develop a judgmental and critical spirit.  It seems so natural to find fault with other people while we ignore our own shortcomings.

Jesus addressed this tendency to criticize others in the Sermon on the Mount.

Matthew 7:1-12

1 “Do not judge so that you will not be judged. 2 For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?  4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye?    5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. 

6 “Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? 11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him! 

12 “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

T/S:  Today I want to look at the instructions Jesus gave us in dealing with our critical spirit.

We Must Not Condone the Critical Spirit.

1 “Do not judge so that you will not be judged.

These words of Jesus are not a quaint request, but an imperative command.  The words, “Do not judge . . .” literally means “stop judging!”

The Greek word krino means to decide between two things and reach a decision.  Jesus said we are not to judge other people.

Why? It seems so natural to criticize and judge others.

Reasons we are not to judge others

1) We are not capable of being a judge.

We don’t have all the facts so we cannot fairly make a decision about others.

Video:  Ameriquest commercial with the cat.

In the NT, Jesus is the only person who referred to other people as hypocrites.  The reason is that He is the only One who knows the inner motives of others, and could therefore determine that they were play-acting.

2) The word judgment  (krima) means to prejudge.

Video:  Shrek

Jesus said we are not to prejudge people before we have all the facts.

3) We pass judgment on ourselves.

2 For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.

There are no double standards with God.  He holds you to the same standards that you set for others.

4)  The judgments of men are fallible and subject to be wrong.

 Even with all the facts (and that is not possible), we can still make wrong decision.

Illustration:  The Battle of Gettysburg was fought from July 1st – the 3rd, in 1863.  Four months later the battlefield was dedicated as a cemetery honoring those who had died.

President Abraham Lincoln gave a two minute dedicatory speech that one newspaper declared was the worst Presidential speech ever given.

Yet the Gettysburg Address is considered one of the finest speeches ever delivered by an American President.

5)  A critical Christian is not a loving Christian.

This is especially true when our own sins (log) are greater than those of the person we are criticizing (speck).

Carping criticism is a spiritual sin.  Fleshly sin destroys the body, while spiritual sin destroys our spirit.

God hates all sin, but He looks with the most disfavor on those sins of the spirit such as pride, prejudice, and judgmental criticism.

Jesus called the self-righteous people like the Pharisees hypocrites because they were outwardly clean but inwardly filthy.  Yet He did not use that description of those guilty of the scarlet sins of society because they knew they were sinful.

The attitude we should have as Christians is to clean up our own life and then in humility and kindness to render aid, not criticism to others.

How are we to achieve this?  After all, Jesus is asking a lot from us.

We Must Pray in Order to Conquer the Critical Spirit

6 “Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? 11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him! 

This promise deals generally with prayer, but the specific promise in this passage is for us to gain moral and spiritual discrimination.

We cannot hope to achieve the standard that Jesus sets except through prayer and the power of God.

We are to ask for it, then, as God in His grace gives it, we are to seek it, and we are not to stop until we achieve it.

The three words; ask, seek, and knock are all present imperatives, which means that we are commanded to keep asking, seeking, and knocking all the time.  In other words, we must be persistent.

Jesus tells us that if we are persistent in prayer, we will be successful in overcoming the critical spirit toward others.

We Must Be Proactive to Control Our Critical Spirit

12 “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

These words can change your life as a Christian from what you are into what Christ wants you to be.

Some say that this teaching is not unique to Jesus.  For example:

Hillel the Hebrew:  “Do not do to your neighbor what is hateful to you.”

Socrates the Greek:  “What stirs your anger when done to you by others; that do not do to others.”

Confucius the Chinese:  “What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.”

The difference is that theirs is negative and passive, while Jesus’ is positive and proactive.  Theirs is only silver, but Jesus’ is golden.

The reason our souls are shriveled, our witness is blunted, and the fellowship among Christians is destroyed is because we can’t even measure up to the Silver Rule, much less the Golden Rule.

When we allow our critical spirit to control us, we become stumbling blocks to the world instead of stepping stones to God.

Yet we can live by the Golden Rule and overcome our critical spirit by becoming proactive and positive in our actions toward others.

Conclusion:  Are you willing to pay the price of Christian love?  It is high and it calls for persistent prayer and positive action, but the rewards are worth it all.

Illustration:  A little girl was upset that her brother had set out a trap to catch birds, so when she went to bed she prayed that it would not catch any.  The next morning she got up early and went outside and destroyed the trap so it couldn’t catch any birds.

Jesus said we need to pray to overcome a critical spirit, but He also said we need to be proactive in overcoming our tendency to be critical.

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